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Golden Bull award winners 2020

Straight into the worst communication of 2020, via Melissa Kidd. Dreadful text courtesy of BT.

The BT Hybrid Scheme combines elements of both defined contribution (like the BTRSS) and defined benefits (like the BT Pension Scheme). Each year you’d build up a block of pension and cash lump sum based on your Pensionable Salary up to the Threshold - your defined benefits. BT will also pay a contribution for you into a defined contribution pot. The amount of this BT contribution is calculated using your Pensionable Salary above that Threshold.

Guy Jibson here with some classic landlord rubbish.

Upon any assignment of the demised premises approved as aforesaid to pay to the Lessor a sum equal to ten per centum of any increase between the premium paid under this Lease and the consideration paid on such assignment or such sum as shall be certified to be the then current market value of the demised premises by an independent valuer appointed by the President of the Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors, at the request of the Lessor whichever shall be the greater and if the sum so certified shall be the greater then the costs of such appointment shall be paid by the Lessee PROVIDED THAT the sum payable to the Lessor in the case of a Lessee not the original Lessee shall be calculated by reference to the greater of the consideration paid by such Lessee for the leasehold interest or the sum certified as aforesaid at the time of his purchase as the case may be.

David Pritchard emailed us this word-salad, from the University of Stratchclyde.

The Executive Team concluded that it was appropriate to adjust our plans for the transition to blended learning, by rephasing the commencement of the transition phase for two weeks.

Claudio Svaluto sent us this, courtesy of Ex Libris...

CDI is a central discovery index – leveraging existing assets - that supports both Summon and Primo and delivers enhanced discovery, streamlines library management, and provides operational efficiencies. CDI will replace the Primo Central and Summon Indexes to give access to Ex Libris provided data. The ingestion of local data will continue to function as before.

Thanks to Dr Graham Clayton for the following nonsense, from EMEA

Your organization’s success depends on endpoints being operational. Malware bytes delivers cyber protection that creates a resilient security posture tailored to your endpoint environment. And because advanced, polymorphic threats are targeting the endpoint with adaptive techniques, we use multiple layers of technology applied at various points along the attack chain—including machine learning–enhanced and heuristic detection capabilities—to crush their attacks.

Matt Burrow was unsurprisingly nonplussed by this NatWest travesty.

Until the 18 June 2020, you as an NFC-, are responsible for the reporting of EMIR OTC derivative trades facing NWM (FC). However, from that date onwards, NWM (FC) will be responsible for the reporting of both our trades facing you and your trades facing us, as well as the lifecycle events of live trades. Finally, if you are an NFC- established in the EU, NWM Plc will become a third country financial counterparty for EMIR purposes after the end of the Brexit implementation period (currently expected to be 31 December 2020). After that date, NWM Plc will not be required to mandatorily report your OTC derivative trades under REFIT.

Mary Mitchell was understandably perplexed by the following, from NHS Digital.

Thank you for contacting the Organisation Data Service (ODS) team. I can confirm that I have allocated the attached organisation code. The code will be active immediately and published in the Monthly production on (31/07/2020). After this, the data will become available via our csv publication files on our website and within csv and XML publications via Terminology Reference Data-Update Distribution service (TRUD). The data will however be available tomorrow via our API, the ODS portal and spine services. ODS does not control the manner in which other NHS Digital services (such as, Electronic Referral Service or NHS Mail), or third party systems (such as SystmOne and Primary Care Support England (PCSE)) consume our data so these services would need to be contacted directly to establish how quickly the data will flow into these systems/services.

The Ministry of Housing, Communities and Local Government desperately need our help, as Paul Busby pointed out....

12.Currently, the method comprises a baseline of household projections which are then adjusted to take account of affordability and capped to limit the increase for areas. Step 1 of the current method sets the baseline using a 10-year average of the 2014-based national household growth projections. Step 2 goes on to adjust the Step 1 outcome based on the affordability of the area, using the most recent median workplace-based affordability ratios so that for each 1% the ratio is above 4, the average household growth is increased by a quarter of a percent (with a ratio of 8 representing a 100% increase). Step 3 then applies a 40% cap to limit the increases an individual local authority can face.

The British Council baffled Mr J Boulter – and us – with this job advertisement.

This is an unique opportunity within the English and Exams Business to support and assist with the planning and tracking of exams capacity requirements against demand to handover to test day teams in geographies for delivery. The role will support the translation of demand into capacity/resource requirements for Examiners and Venue Staff to fully optimise operations and margins while maintaining service levels, maximising agility and ensuring contingency. The role will assist with the deployment of the right mix and profile of Examiners and Venue Staff for Test Day delivery using BOSS and other relevant systems. The role will also assist in the Test Day Staff work reconciliation and payment. This post will support recruitment and management of Examiners and Venue Staff. This role will be part of the Cluster Resource Pool Management Team and will deliver services to all countries in the Northern European Exams Cluster, with a day-to-day focus on the subCluster in which the role is situated. This role will be required to maintain remote relationships within clustergeographies and ensure counterparts understand requirements and execute to plan on Test Day.

Jill Sinclair wants Iceland to take Plain English lessons.

On a more positive note and in light of the above, I can confirm that our Head Of Delivered Sales has taken steps to robustly communicate a reminder on driving etiquette and appropriate professional consideration of what good looks like when at the wheel of our vehicles as a repre-sentative of Iceland and out of pure courtesy for others.

And here’s one many people insisted we reward (happy to oblige!) from the Gov.UK website. Not a definition we ever expected to be up for debate...

Note that the definition for deaths in England changed on 1 June 2020.
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