Golden Bull awards

• Houses of Parliament

Nominated by: Mike Crockart MP Edinburgh West.

For their archaic and hampering parliamentary language. You can see a video explaining why he nominated the Houses of Parliament for this award.

• Met Office

Nominated by: Paul Danon.

For ‘empowering people to make their own decisions’ by using the technical systems for the ‘probabilities of precipitation’.

Weatherese

• Overnight tonight
• A rash of beefy showers
• It’s mainly settled
• Excess surface water
• Temperatures really struggling

• Harrow Council

Nominated by: Barbara Winston.

For their mysterious ‘Personalisation Implementation Team’.

• British Fencing Association

Nominated by: anonymous.

For their general use of jargon and governance strategy that ‘will innovate to ensure that we are successful on the piste’.

• Flybe

Nominated by: John Stokes.

Letter received from Flybe.

I believe that what has not been explained to you is that it is not a £4.50 card charge, in the process of booking a flight, you will have a booking fee which is for a Credit Card (return journey), booking fee £4.50 and Credit Card supplement £1.00, for a (one way) booking fee £5.50 and credit card charge £1.00.

Concerning a Debit Card (return flight) booking fee £4.50 and there is no additional fee for a Debit Card. for a (one way) booking fee £5.50 with no additional Debit Card charge. If you which any more details about our charges, you can call our call centre on 0871 700 2000 / 01392 268500 (from outside the UK) (calls cost 10p per minute; calls from mobiles and some networks may be higher) and one of our agent will be happy to assist you.

Regards

Flybe

• Microsoft Azure

Nominated by: Chris Pursey.

For their technical pricing language of ‘small hours’ and ‘extra small hours’ that just does not compute.

• JTF Wholesale

Nominated by: Bob Redwood.

For the expressive instructions for their garden lawn sprinkler that states ‘The spraying of water area is big and even, also, graceful helicopter sprinkler has strong oramental and funny.’

• Directgov Motoring Website

Nominated by: John Barker-Hahlo.

For this explanation for the upgrading entitlement for trailers.

“...This means that passing a test for subcategory C1+E or D1+E upgrades category B entitlement to B+E. A test pass for subcategory C1+E upgrades subcategory D1, if held, to D1+E. But a test pass for subcategory D1+E does not upgrade subcategory C1 to C1+E because the trailer size required for a subcategory D1+E test is smaller than that required for a subcategory C1+E test.

Passing a test for category C+E upgrades category B entitlement to B+E and also confers entitlement to subcategory C1 and C1+E and, if category D or subcategory D1 is held, these are upgraded to category D+E or subcategory D1+E. A test passed for category D+E upgrades category B and subcategory D1 to category B+E and subcategory D1+E respectively. But it does not upgrade category C or subcategory C1 entitlements because the trailer size required for a category D+E test is smaller than that required for a category C+E or subcategory.”

• Bishop of Blackburn

Nominated by: Ken Pocock.

For the Episcopal legalese in a letter that tells parishioners that their parish priest in charge may now become Vicar.

“...AND WHEREAS We have consented to the said period being so brought to an end and to the exercise of such right of presentation NOW WE HEREBY DECLARE that the said period shall come to an end on the date hereof and that the said vacancy in the said Benefice of Ansdell and Fairhaven Saint Paul in Our said Diocese of Blackburn may thereupon be filled...”.

• University of Kent

Nominated by: anonymous.

For the first drama essay question to new first year university students.

‘...there was an early crisis within the chosen form of modernist Naturalism... [which] was at once physically convincing and intellectually insufficient... [T]here were, in opposite directions, crucial areas of experience which the language and behaviour of the living room could not articulate or fully interpret.’ (Williams, 1989:85)Analyse why and how ONE of the following modernist practitioners, Meyerhold, Artaud or Brecht decided to address the limitations of Naturalist theatre.

• Office for National Statistics

Nominated by: anonymous.

For the listing of Standard Industrial Classifications that businesses must identify on the Companies House website. For example,

‘Activities of extraterritorial organisations’.