Before and after
Here are some examples of long-winded official writing, with our suggested improvements.
Before
High-quality learning environments are a necessary precondition for facilitation and enhancement of the ongoing learning process.
After
Children need good schools if they are to learn properly.
Before
If there are any points on which you require explanation or further particulars we shall be glad to furnish such additional details as may be required by telephone.
After
If you have any questions, please phone.
Before
It is important that you shall read the notes, advice and information detailed opposite then complete the form overleaf (all sections) prior to its immediate return to the Council by way of the envelope provided.
After
Please read the notes opposite before you fill in the form. Then send it back to us as soon as possible in the envelope provided.
Before
Your enquiry about the use of the entrance area at the library for the purpose of displaying posters and leaflets about Welfare and Supplementary Benefit rights, gives rise to the question of the provenance and authoritativeness of the material to be displayed. Posters and leaflets issued by the Central Office of Information, the Department of Health and Social Security and other authoritative bodies are usually displayed in libraries, but items of a disputatious or polemic kind, whilst not necessarily excluded, are considered individually.
After
Thank you for your letter asking for permission to put up posters in the library. Before we can give you an answer we will need to see a copy of the posters to make sure they won't offend anyone.
Before
Colour: Green
Tax disc: 00000 00000 00000
Expiry: 31/01/2011
Observed from 08:51 to 08:57
A penalty charge of £70 is now payable and must be paid not later than the last day of the period of 28 days beginning with the date on which this PCN was served (i.e. 22/09/2010)
The penalty charge will be reduced by a discount of 50% if it is paid not later than the last day of the period of 14 days beginning with the date on which this PCN was served (i.e. 08/09/2010)
DO NOT PAY THE CIVIL ENFORCEMENT OFFICER
SEE REVERSE FOR:
How to pay
How to appeal this PCN
What happens if no payment is made
After
Vehicle colour: Green
Number on tax disc: 0000 0000 0000
Date disc expires: 31/01/2111
The traffic warden saw your vehicle was parked illegally from 8:51am to 8:57am.
You must now pay a penalty charge of £70 within 28 days, beginning with the date on which we served this notice (in other words, by 22 September 2010).
We will reduce the penalty charge to £35 if you pay it within 14 days (in other words, by 8 September 2010).
Do not pay the traffic warden.
See the back for:
- how to pay;
- how to appeal against this notice; and
- what happens if you do not pay.
